From: Taylor ([email protected])
Subject: Review: TEDDY BARE
Date: Thu, 06 Mar 97 15:25:26
Organization: Hampden-Sydney College
***************TEDDY BARE***************
Title: Teddy Bare
Year: '70s or early '80s
Distributor: Caballero
Starring: Connie Coombes, Janet Long, Bradford Neeley
Directed By: David Kahn
Running Time: 83 minutes
Themes: young girls, blondes, obsessed dorks
Rating: 0.85 on the Imperial Scale
God only knows why AVN gave this three stars... At the outset, let me
state bluntly that this movie really sucked--in the bad way, I mean.
This was such an incredibly poorly done movie that I can't believe
anyone still stocks it, since although there is no discernible date
anywhere on the movie I'd guess it's from the late seventies or early
eighties. The really bad part is that the girls here are gorgeous and
the theme is my personal favourite--"young girls"--and the sex is hot,
but I still can't recommend it. I can't recommend it because the
editing destroyed this movie, turning the sex scenes into the quickest
flashes of skin I've ever had the disappointment of seeing. *Maybe* I
could understand making the sex scenes brief, if there were even the
semblance of a good plot--BUT THERE'S NOT. And even if there were the
most brilliant plot in the world, making this the adult film equivalent
of *Casablanca* or another great classic, I couldn't justify making the
sex scenes as brief as they are. More time is spent listening to the
main character whine about having to get laid and trying to seduce his
parents' young houseguest Teddy than is spent having sex--and, the worst
part is, HE NEVER EVEN GETS TEDDY. He does have an endless series of
flings and fantasy flings with a host of nice young blondes, for a total
of eleven sex scenes--BUT NOT A DAMNED ONE OF THEM LASTS OVER THREE
MINUTES!!!??? Sex. This is a sex film. And there's lots of sex going
on. SO WHY THE HELL ISN'T IT ONSCREEN LONGER THAN THREE MINUTES AT A
TIME??? I have no idea. There are a lot of nice explicit hardcore
shots, including a beautiful blowjob by the cutest little fantasy
schoolgirl with ribbons in her hair--but the BJ is shown for a whopping
27 seconds. That's barely enough time to get an erotically into it, and
then it's gone. Then she fucks him--okay, great; but for a measley
minute? This is such a waste of potential that it's not even funny,
because scenes like this could have been some of the best in porn.
Plus, one or two of the scenes are simulated--which I could forgive if
the real sex were well-filmed, but it's not. Plus, the main character
keeps having these flashbacks and flash-forwards to the various
encounters--which would be okay if only they didn't cut at lightning
speed from one scene to another. Surreal, but not erotic. Plus, and
this is really stupid, some of the flashbacks and flash-forwards are
actually longer than some of the scenes they were of! That nice but
short-lived blowjob from the schoolgirl lasts about forty seconds in one
of the flashbacks. I only bothered counting because, quite frankly, it
was about the most fun I was going to have with this movie. And,
perhaps worst of all, this movie is dubbed with the stupidest loops of
sound, particularly during sex. At one point, he actually says "Take it
out! Take it out, I'm cumming!"--right when he slides it in. The sad
part is that the actors hardly ever move their lips at all, proving that
the reason this is dubbed is not because it was a foreign production but
because they couldn't afford a boom-mike. I'm not even going to bother
with a scene-list; there'd be no point, since I advise everyone to avoid
this movie unless the schoolgirl motif is so much to you that you'd like
to see one-minute snippets of the sexiest acts which just get you upset
that they don't show you more. Maybe if you had an editing deck, you
could put together a fairly good thirty-minute tape--FROM THE
EIGHTY-THREE MINUTES THAT THIS ONE LASTS. Ugghhh... A 0.85 rating,
seeing as someone somewhere might find this vaguely amusing.
Personally, I'm thinking of copying the few good sex scenes that there
are and using the original as a blank tape.
Created: March 14, 1997 -- 01:51 AM
Last Updated:
Visitor:
169 “I can arrange all that.” Such Apaches as had not gone back on the war-path returned to the States with the troops; but there were five months more of the outrages of Geronimo and his kind. Then in the summer of the year another man, more fortunate and better fitted to deal with it all, perhaps,—with the tangle of lies and deceptions, cross purposes and trickery,—succeeded where Crook had failed and had been relieved of a task that was beyond him. Geronimo was captured, and was hurried off to a Florida prison with his band, as far as they well could be from the reservation they had refused to accept. And with them were sent other Indians, who had been the friends and helpers of the government for years, and who had run great risks to help or to obtain peace. But the memory and gratitude of governments is become a proverb. The southwest settled down to enjoy its safety. The troops rested upon the laurels they had won, the superseded general went on with his work in another field far away to the north. The new general, the saviour of the land, was heaped[Pg 305] with honor and praise, and the path of civilization was laid clear. Parliament met on the 10th of January, 1765. The resentment of the Americans had reached the ears of the Ministry and the king, yet both continued determined to proceed. In the interviews which Franklin and the other agents had with the Ministers, Grenville begged them to point to any other tax that would be more agreeable to the colonists than the stamp-duty; but they without any real legal grounds drew the line between levying custom and imposing an inland tax. Grenville paid no attention to these representations. Fifty-five resolutions, prepared by a committee of ways and means, were laid by him on the table of the House of Commons at an early day of the Session, imposing on America nearly the same stamp-duties as were already in practical operation in England. These resolutions being adopted, were embodied in a bill; and when it was introduced to the House, it was received with an apathy which betrayed on all hands the profoundest ignorance of its importance. Burke, who was a spectator of the debates in both Houses, in a speech some years afterwards, stated that he never heard a more languid debate than that in the Commons. Only two or three persons spoke against the measure and that with great composure. There was but one division in the whole progress of the Bill, and the minority did not reach to more than thirty-nine or forty. In the Lords, he said, there was, to the best of his recollection, neither division nor debate! His cheek paled for an instant as the thought obtruded that the man might resist and he have to really shoot him. "Good, the old man's goin' to take the grub out to 'em himself," thought the Deacon with relief. "He'll be easy to manage. No need o' shootin' him." "Them that we shot?" said Shorty carelessly, feeling around for his tobacco to refill his pipe. "Nothin'. I guess we've done enough for 'em already." John Dodd, twenty-seven years old, master, part of the third generation, arranged his chair carefully so that it faced the door of the Commons Room, letting the light from the great window illumine the back of his head. He clasped his hands in his lap in a single, nervous gesture, never noticing that the light gave him a faint saintlike halo about his feathery hair. His companion took another chair, set it at right angles to Dodd's and gave it long and thoughtful consideration, as if the act of sitting down were something new and untried. "Besides," Norma said desperately, "they're only rumors—" "Oh, I've found a way of gitting shut of them rootses—thought of it while I wur working at the trees. I'm going to blast 'em out." During the next ten years the farm went forward by strides. Reuben bought seven more acres of Boarzell in '59, and fourteen in '60. He also bought a horse-rake, and threshed by machinery. He was now a topic in every public-house from Northiam to Rye. His success and the scant trouble he took to conciliate those about him had made him disliked. Unprosperous farmers[Pg 124] spoke windily of "spoiling his liddle game." Ditch and Ginner even suggested to Vennal that they should club together and buy thirty acres or so of the Moor themselves, just to spite him. However, money was too precious to throw away even on such an object, especially as everyone felt sure that Backfield would sooner or later "bust himself" in his dealings with Boarzell. "Let's go home," she said faintly—"it's getting late." HoME干别人老婆嗯啊小说
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