THE MOUNTIE
director: Mitchell Spinelli, 1994. Plum Productions.
cast: Letha Weapons, Asia Carrera, Misty Rain, Isis Nile, Sally Layd,
Bianca Trump, Sahara Sands, Jon Dough, Jonathan Morgan, Alex Sanders
with special appearances by: Reverend Parsons + Louis G.
My rating (based on the Imperial scale) : 0.75
sex scenes:
1. Letha Weapons + Jon Dough
2. Misty Rain, Sahara Sands + Sally Layd
3. Asia Carrera + Jonathan Morgan
4. Bianca Trump + Alex Sanders
5. Isis Nile + Jon Dough
Well, where do I begin? There isn't much to start off with at all.
All we see is Jon Dough wearing a suit and tie, carrying a briefcase and
walking along the Rockies (huh)?? He looks totally shot and confused. He
ends up hopping a fence and coming across mountie Letha Weapons who
approaches him and asks him what he's doing there. He hands her a paper and
tells her "This is where I want to go". She opens the paper. The next thing
we see is a black and white shot of Letha heading up to some cabin and slowly
urging Jon to come to her as she takes off her clothes and touches herself.
What the fuck is going on here? Jon is having a daydream. Anyhow, Letha
(who should change her name to Letha Whoppers) doesn't do much but bounce
her big tits. They do a doggie and a cowgirl, then he cums on her ass.
After snapping out of the daydream, Letha tells Jon he should head
North and then she disappears. He heads off and ends up at some silo-type
container where along come Misty, Sahara and Sally wearing string bikinis
(where did they come from)?? They circle the container a few times, then
fuck out in the open (suddenly a blanket and some dildos appear). Nothing
much here, the highlight being Misty having two hot, yet very brief, orgasms
curtesy of Sally ramming a dildo into her. A nice camera angle at one point
(which lasted no more than 10 seconds) was a medium-longshot of the three
women perfectly positioned in the center of the screen with strands of weeds
sticking out in front of the camera, making it seem like we are right there
peeping in on them.
Jon Dough is continuing his long walk when he ends up in the middle
of a field when he turns around at a mini race-car type vehicle approaching
him. Louis G., a chubby fellow, is at the wheel and Asia Carrera is by his
side. He stops in front of Jon and tells him he's in the way (yeah ok, with
all that open space?) and suddenly, after a minute or two of more dialogue,
we see Asia being felt up and about-to-be-fucked by Jonathan Morgan (huh??
Where did HE come from)? Anyhow, Jon and Louis walk away and Asia and
Jonathan are left alone. Asia looks good, but doesn't do much in this very
useless scene (all the scenes up to now have been useless). She does have
a good orgasm at one point, slapping the ground with her hand and swaying
her head around, but *alas*, the scene ends too quickly. I was surprised
that Jonathan didn't speak at all in this movie, except for moaning, and
he didn't appear to be such a geek as he usually is in his other
performances.
What's this? Jon suddenly is asleep in some cabin with Bianca
and Alex hovered around him wondering if he's dead or asleep. HUH?!?
They decide they don't care what condition he's in and then go to some
picnic table (indoors) and fuck. Jon wakes up, notices them, but then heads
out. Bianca looks pretty and the scene starts off slow, which it stays for
most of it anyhow. A few moans and squeals and a cumshot then it's over.
Jon is walking along (I don't know where anymore, this movie's sucked)
and he meets up with Reverend Parsons who's playing a guitar. Jon asks him
for help, but the Reverend (who is really a chubby bald guy in a t-shirt and
shorts) doesn't know anything (much like the writer of this really bad excuse
for porn, sorry Mitch). Anyhow, to add more to the confusion, we suddenly
end up at some teepee where Jon is laying asleep inside. Isis Nile is an
Indian girl (without any make-up streaks across her cheeks or anything, but
she looks mighty fine here!) and she is sitting on the same bed as Jon is
sleeping on. She runs her hands on his body, then he wakes up and notices
her (without shock or anything, as to where he is, how he ended up there -
but at this point, it doesn't matter anymore [like it ever did]). They're
all alone, so - they fuck. Did I mention Isis looks mighty fine here? They
do a more sensual scene mostly in the missionary position before he cums on
her chest and stomach.
Now, we finally learn what this whole movie's about - Jon was actually
sleeping the whole time (now THAT'S original)! He is really a janitor and
was simply sleeping on the job. He gets up, takes his mop and pail and
leaves (to continue cleaning). End of movie.
Using the Imperial ratings scale, this movie gets a 0 for storyline.
Direction and editing get a 0, too. Asia, Misty and Isis provided very
little heat, but I'm giving each of them 0.25 for their efforts. This was
definitely a one-day shot patch job that proves that ANYONE can make a porno
(and to think that Mitchell Spinelli wrote the 'story' for this, much less
producing and directing it)! Sorry, Mitch, this one's fit for the pit,
but at least I gave it a 0.75 (which is VERY generous). Better luck
next time.
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169 “I can arrange all that.” Such Apaches as had not gone back on the war-path returned to the States with the troops; but there were five months more of the outrages of Geronimo and his kind. Then in the summer of the year another man, more fortunate and better fitted to deal with it all, perhaps,—with the tangle of lies and deceptions, cross purposes and trickery,—succeeded where Crook had failed and had been relieved of a task that was beyond him. Geronimo was captured, and was hurried off to a Florida prison with his band, as far as they well could be from the reservation they had refused to accept. And with them were sent other Indians, who had been the friends and helpers of the government for years, and who had run great risks to help or to obtain peace. But the memory and gratitude of governments is become a proverb. The southwest settled down to enjoy its safety. The troops rested upon the laurels they had won, the superseded general went on with his work in another field far away to the north. The new general, the saviour of the land, was heaped[Pg 305] with honor and praise, and the path of civilization was laid clear. Parliament met on the 10th of January, 1765. The resentment of the Americans had reached the ears of the Ministry and the king, yet both continued determined to proceed. In the interviews which Franklin and the other agents had with the Ministers, Grenville begged them to point to any other tax that would be more agreeable to the colonists than the stamp-duty; but they without any real legal grounds drew the line between levying custom and imposing an inland tax. Grenville paid no attention to these representations. Fifty-five resolutions, prepared by a committee of ways and means, were laid by him on the table of the House of Commons at an early day of the Session, imposing on America nearly the same stamp-duties as were already in practical operation in England. These resolutions being adopted, were embodied in a bill; and when it was introduced to the House, it was received with an apathy which betrayed on all hands the profoundest ignorance of its importance. Burke, who was a spectator of the debates in both Houses, in a speech some years afterwards, stated that he never heard a more languid debate than that in the Commons. Only two or three persons spoke against the measure and that with great composure. There was but one division in the whole progress of the Bill, and the minority did not reach to more than thirty-nine or forty. In the Lords, he said, there was, to the best of his recollection, neither division nor debate! His cheek paled for an instant as the thought obtruded that the man might resist and he have to really shoot him. "Good, the old man's goin' to take the grub out to 'em himself," thought the Deacon with relief. "He'll be easy to manage. No need o' shootin' him." "Them that we shot?" said Shorty carelessly, feeling around for his tobacco to refill his pipe. "Nothin'. I guess we've done enough for 'em already." John Dodd, twenty-seven years old, master, part of the third generation, arranged his chair carefully so that it faced the door of the Commons Room, letting the light from the great window illumine the back of his head. He clasped his hands in his lap in a single, nervous gesture, never noticing that the light gave him a faint saintlike halo about his feathery hair. His companion took another chair, set it at right angles to Dodd's and gave it long and thoughtful consideration, as if the act of sitting down were something new and untried. "Besides," Norma said desperately, "they're only rumors—" "Oh, I've found a way of gitting shut of them rootses—thought of it while I wur working at the trees. I'm going to blast 'em out." During the next ten years the farm went forward by strides. Reuben bought seven more acres of Boarzell in '59, and fourteen in '60. He also bought a horse-rake, and threshed by machinery. He was now a topic in every public-house from Northiam to Rye. His success and the scant trouble he took to conciliate those about him had made him disliked. Unprosperous farmers[Pg 124] spoke windily of "spoiling his liddle game." Ditch and Ginner even suggested to Vennal that they should club together and buy thirty acres or so of the Moor themselves, just to spite him. However, money was too precious to throw away even on such an object, especially as everyone felt sure that Backfield would sooner or later "bust himself" in his dealings with Boarzell. "Let's go home," she said faintly—"it's getting late." HoME干别人老婆嗯啊小说
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169 “I can arrange all that.” Such Apaches as had not gone back on the war-path returned to the States with the troops; but there were five months more of the outrages of Geronimo and his kind. Then in the summer of the year another man, more fortunate and better fitted to deal with it all, perhaps,—with the tangle of lies and deceptions, cross purposes and trickery,—succeeded where Crook had failed and had been relieved of a task that was beyond him. Geronimo was captured, and was hurried off to a Florida prison with his band, as far as they well could be from the reservation they had refused to accept. And with them were sent other Indians, who had been the friends and helpers of the government for years, and who had run great risks to help or to obtain peace. But the memory and gratitude of governments is become a proverb. The southwest settled down to enjoy its safety. The troops rested upon the laurels they had won, the superseded general went on with his work in another field far away to the north. The new general, the saviour of the land, was heaped[Pg 305] with honor and praise, and the path of civilization was laid clear. Parliament met on the 10th of January, 1765. The resentment of the Americans had reached the ears of the Ministry and the king, yet both continued determined to proceed. In the interviews which Franklin and the other agents had with the Ministers, Grenville begged them to point to any other tax that would be more agreeable to the colonists than the stamp-duty; but they without any real legal grounds drew the line between levying custom and imposing an inland tax. Grenville paid no attention to these representations. Fifty-five resolutions, prepared by a committee of ways and means, were laid by him on the table of the House of Commons at an early day of the Session, imposing on America nearly the same stamp-duties as were already in practical operation in England. These resolutions being adopted, were embodied in a bill; and when it was introduced to the House, it was received with an apathy which betrayed on all hands the profoundest ignorance of its importance. Burke, who was a spectator of the debates in both Houses, in a speech some years afterwards, stated that he never heard a more languid debate than that in the Commons. Only two or three persons spoke against the measure and that with great composure. There was but one division in the whole progress of the Bill, and the minority did not reach to more than thirty-nine or forty. In the Lords, he said, there was, to the best of his recollection, neither division nor debate! His cheek paled for an instant as the thought obtruded that the man might resist and he have to really shoot him. "Good, the old man's goin' to take the grub out to 'em himself," thought the Deacon with relief. "He'll be easy to manage. No need o' shootin' him." "Them that we shot?" said Shorty carelessly, feeling around for his tobacco to refill his pipe. "Nothin'. I guess we've done enough for 'em already." John Dodd, twenty-seven years old, master, part of the third generation, arranged his chair carefully so that it faced the door of the Commons Room, letting the light from the great window illumine the back of his head. He clasped his hands in his lap in a single, nervous gesture, never noticing that the light gave him a faint saintlike halo about his feathery hair. His companion took another chair, set it at right angles to Dodd's and gave it long and thoughtful consideration, as if the act of sitting down were something new and untried. "Besides," Norma said desperately, "they're only rumors—" "Oh, I've found a way of gitting shut of them rootses—thought of it while I wur working at the trees. I'm going to blast 'em out." During the next ten years the farm went forward by strides. Reuben bought seven more acres of Boarzell in '59, and fourteen in '60. He also bought a horse-rake, and threshed by machinery. He was now a topic in every public-house from Northiam to Rye. His success and the scant trouble he took to conciliate those about him had made him disliked. Unprosperous farmers[Pg 124] spoke windily of "spoiling his liddle game." Ditch and Ginner even suggested to Vennal that they should club together and buy thirty acres or so of the Moor themselves, just to spite him. However, money was too precious to throw away even on such an object, especially as everyone felt sure that Backfield would sooner or later "bust himself" in his dealings with Boarzell. "Let's go home," she said faintly—"it's getting late." HoME干别人老婆嗯啊小说
ENTER NUMBET 0017