Stars : Jonathan Morgan, Tracey Wynn, Sonja, Jenna Wells, Randy
West,
Alyssa Jarreau, JB and Mickey Ray.
MOONLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT
As the original Coen Bros. movie "Barton Fink" is high on my top 100
films of all time list, I was really looking forward to seeing the
porno parody. When I heard that Scotty Fox directed it and Cash
Markman wrote it, my excitement mounted. So I'm sure you can imagine
my disappointment when this stinker flew past my eyes. Badly written
(which is rare for Markman), terribly acted by all (including Morgan,
who usually delivers a good job, but merely suceeds in being VERY
annoying here), about as hot as a wet paper bag (not usually the case
with Scotty Fox movies) and just downright boring. Even the jokes are
flat. It starts out nice enough as quite an accurate parody of "Barton
Fink", but soon just turns into another Scotty Fox "Bash the porn
industry" rants, which unlike the superb "Legend" series is neither
erotic nor amusing... Wanna here more? Here we go, then...
We open in a neon bar where literary agent Alyssa Jarreau is sitting
at a stool. Jonathan (dressed in a cheap suit) stumbles in and falls
over on a bar stool. He is a playwrite called Martin Fink who's play
entitled "Confessions of a Jewish princess" has just opened in L.A. to
a poor reception. She doesn't care about the poor reception, however,
as he has had a positive review in the L.A. Times which says that the
play is the most erotic work of the season. Jonathan is upset as this
was not his intention. Supposedly the play was about his mother, but
the producer cast a porn star in the lead and ruined it all. Anyhow,
Alyssa suggests that he starts a new career in X-Rated movie writing
and says that she's arranged a meeting with the head of the "20th
Century Babes" studio for tomorrow....
Cut to a hotel lobby (cheap, bad set) now where Mickey Ray (the
bellhop)
and the very cute Tracey Wynn (an aspiring actress) are having sex.
She may be extremly nice to look at but this scene is just boring,
boring, boring... Mickey is a pain in the ass from beginning to end
and even (HORROR OF HORRORS!) suffers from wood problems throughout
the whole thing! He seems really bored with the whole thing and
eventually this rubs off onto her. They just go through the usual
motions (oral/oral/doggie/mish in that order) without even a hint of
passion or heat (although there are some okay camera angles) before
he delivers a weak pop-shot on her crotch. A bad opening scene...
Just as they are putting their clothes on, Jonathan enters the hotel
and asks for his room. Mickey, who must be the most untalented "Actor"
the porno industry has, makes Gerry Pike look oscar-worthy as he
stumbles through his lines (simple things like "have this key, sir")
and lets Jonathan make his hunchbacked way to his room. As Jonathan
leaves, Mickey says "What a putz..." This is a line that is said
throughout the entire movie every time Jonathan leaves the room,
(How witty... NOT!) and by the end of this I was agreeing...
Anyway, Jonathan arrives in his room (which is quite a good replica
of the room in "Barton Fink") and the next day goes for his meeting
with the boss of the porn studio, a Mr Coen (just to prove that
Markman HAS seen the original movie) played by JB, who at least
TRIES to act as he tells Jonathan that he wants a hot script and
makes several references to the adult industry just "farting out"
new films every week and if he farts and nothing comes out, everyone
gets upset or some junk like this...
To cut it short, Jonathan goes back to his room and tries to write
the first part of a script. Having never been laid before (no
surprises there considering his terrible fake Jewish accent) he
doesn't know what people will say to each other during sex. Luckily
the couple next door (Sonja and (GROAN) Mickey Ray again) are having
sex, so Jonathan listens in through the walls. This is a really bad
sex scene. Again, it's just the oral/oral/doggie/mish sequence with
a total lack of enthusiasm and/or interest. The best/worst part is
during the doggie, when Mickey is just standing completely still,
leaning against the wall with a flaccid cock between his legs, Sonja
desperately trying to do something about it but failing. It's a truly
pathetic sight to witness, folks... In the end he cums on her crotch.
No surprises there.
After the cumshot, Jonathan bangs on the wall to tell them to shut up,
and Mickey comes to the door to ask what's wrong. In a terribly
delivered exchange of poor dialogue, Mickey asks Jonathan what he
does for a living and Jonathan admits that he writes porno movies,
but doesn't really know much about it. Mickey says he can help, what
with all the experience he gets in the hotel (being the bellhop means
that he can screw everybody, apparently. If this were the case, we'd
all be bellhops!) and with this he begins to recount one of his
tales...
It's that time of the day when Scotty has to put in a g/g scene...
Tracey and Sonja are 69'ing on the bed as we enter the scene.
Technically, this in itself should be erotic (two pretty girls wrapped
up in each other) but for some reason it just ain't. They just don't
seem to care less about what they're doing. Neither of them actually
seem "into" women. It's just a case of "I'll lick here, then you lick
there, then we'll do a bit of groaning"... YAAAAWWWN. I hit FF>> I
have to admit. They get a metal dildo out at one point, for those who
are interested but it adds no more heat to the scene. Eventually we
fade out, as both girls fall asleep.... (I'm kidding on that bit, but
they're not far off)
Back to the "plot", which by now has lost all traces of similarity to
"Barton Fink" and finds Jonathan sitting in JB's office saying how he's
having difficulty getting to grips with writing porno scripts. JB
suggests that he goes to a bar and gets laid or something. He does
indeed go to a bar where he meets "Bill Dollars" (ha) played by Randy
West in a drunken stupor. "Bill" is a porno writer who has ran out of
ideas (sounds like Cash Markman when he wrote this movie). He slurs out
some crap about when he wants inspiration he goes across the road to see
some girl (who turns out to be Jenna Wells) and tells Jonathan to go out
and get laid. The only girl Jonathan knows is Alyssa Jarreau, his agent,
thus he invites her back to his hotel room for a quick swive...
They begin on the bed with some cunnilingus, before moving to her
giving
him a rather dull BJ (the "All Fingers and Thumbs" syndrome as seen by
VIVID girls). Eventually they move to a bit of cowgirl which is neither
erotic nor passionate, before finishing with some remarkably boring
missionary sex climaxing in a cum shot on her crotch, after which all
the fluid drips between her legs. She rubs it in for good measure, but
it still doesn't improve matters....
Suddenly, we're in yet another bedroom (all these sets... so different
yet so much the same...) where Randy (still playing a drunkard) is
getting a blowjob from Jenna Wells. There is some mildly amusing ad lib
here, e.g. :-
Jenna : You say you've got writer's block, eh?
Randy : Now I've got writer's cock!
...and they keep up the exchange of dialogue throughout the whole
scene.
It's probably the best scene in the movie. Jenna is quite attractive
(although she's no Tracey Wynn) and her and Randy at least seem to like
each other, which is a start. There's a new position here as well : We
go oral/oral/doggie/spooning here, instead of the usual missionary and
there are some nice full-body shots. Eventually Randy cums (quite
voluminous for Randy) on her crotch and starts shouting some incoherent
nonsense about "Dwarves in DP's!!!" I guess he really was drunk and not
just putting it on...
Fade to the studio again where Jonathan hands his script to JB. The
script he hands in is an autobiographical one based on his experiences
throughout the movie. JB says it's crap. I would have said the same...
He kicks Jonathan out of his office. End of the movie. I was at least
expecting a better punchline from Markman. That's usually his specialist
subject....
Overall, this one bites the biscuits... It's the opposite of what a
Scotty Fox film usually is. Bad script, poor dialogue, crappy acting,
lame sex. On a plus side, this is a silly-cone free film
(All natural
breasts) but that's about the extent of the positive stuff I can say
about it. I'll have to give a 1.95 on the Imperial Scale, which
is probably being generous. You don't really want to rent this movie.
Check out something like "Skin to Skin" or "Rugburn" to see what Scotty
REALLY is capable of on a good day...
Happy viewing!
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Created: Friday, April 05, 1996 - 3:42:13 PM
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169 “I can arrange all that.” Such Apaches as had not gone back on the war-path returned to the States with the troops; but there were five months more of the outrages of Geronimo and his kind. Then in the summer of the year another man, more fortunate and better fitted to deal with it all, perhaps,—with the tangle of lies and deceptions, cross purposes and trickery,—succeeded where Crook had failed and had been relieved of a task that was beyond him. Geronimo was captured, and was hurried off to a Florida prison with his band, as far as they well could be from the reservation they had refused to accept. And with them were sent other Indians, who had been the friends and helpers of the government for years, and who had run great risks to help or to obtain peace. But the memory and gratitude of governments is become a proverb. The southwest settled down to enjoy its safety. The troops rested upon the laurels they had won, the superseded general went on with his work in another field far away to the north. The new general, the saviour of the land, was heaped[Pg 305] with honor and praise, and the path of civilization was laid clear. Parliament met on the 10th of January, 1765. The resentment of the Americans had reached the ears of the Ministry and the king, yet both continued determined to proceed. In the interviews which Franklin and the other agents had with the Ministers, Grenville begged them to point to any other tax that would be more agreeable to the colonists than the stamp-duty; but they without any real legal grounds drew the line between levying custom and imposing an inland tax. Grenville paid no attention to these representations. Fifty-five resolutions, prepared by a committee of ways and means, were laid by him on the table of the House of Commons at an early day of the Session, imposing on America nearly the same stamp-duties as were already in practical operation in England. These resolutions being adopted, were embodied in a bill; and when it was introduced to the House, it was received with an apathy which betrayed on all hands the profoundest ignorance of its importance. Burke, who was a spectator of the debates in both Houses, in a speech some years afterwards, stated that he never heard a more languid debate than that in the Commons. Only two or three persons spoke against the measure and that with great composure. There was but one division in the whole progress of the Bill, and the minority did not reach to more than thirty-nine or forty. In the Lords, he said, there was, to the best of his recollection, neither division nor debate! His cheek paled for an instant as the thought obtruded that the man might resist and he have to really shoot him. "Good, the old man's goin' to take the grub out to 'em himself," thought the Deacon with relief. "He'll be easy to manage. No need o' shootin' him." "Them that we shot?" said Shorty carelessly, feeling around for his tobacco to refill his pipe. "Nothin'. I guess we've done enough for 'em already." John Dodd, twenty-seven years old, master, part of the third generation, arranged his chair carefully so that it faced the door of the Commons Room, letting the light from the great window illumine the back of his head. He clasped his hands in his lap in a single, nervous gesture, never noticing that the light gave him a faint saintlike halo about his feathery hair. His companion took another chair, set it at right angles to Dodd's and gave it long and thoughtful consideration, as if the act of sitting down were something new and untried. "Besides," Norma said desperately, "they're only rumors—" "Oh, I've found a way of gitting shut of them rootses—thought of it while I wur working at the trees. I'm going to blast 'em out." During the next ten years the farm went forward by strides. Reuben bought seven more acres of Boarzell in '59, and fourteen in '60. He also bought a horse-rake, and threshed by machinery. He was now a topic in every public-house from Northiam to Rye. His success and the scant trouble he took to conciliate those about him had made him disliked. Unprosperous farmers[Pg 124] spoke windily of "spoiling his liddle game." Ditch and Ginner even suggested to Vennal that they should club together and buy thirty acres or so of the Moor themselves, just to spite him. However, money was too precious to throw away even on such an object, especially as everyone felt sure that Backfield would sooner or later "bust himself" in his dealings with Boarzell. "Let's go home," she said faintly—"it's getting late." HoME干别人老婆嗯啊小说
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