From [email protected] Thu Jan 5 13:04:47 EST 1995
Article: 44054 of alt.sex.movies
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From: [email protected] (Curmudgeon)
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Date: Thu, 5 Jan 1995 04:23:50 UTC
Subject: REVIEW "Cheeks 5: Cop A Feel" (Long)
Lines: 178
Status: RO
I'll have to admit that my hopes for "Cheeks 5: Cop a Feel" were
artificially inflated by the clever posts and reposts of Ms. Alexandre,
and by some of the comments posted by people who had previously seen
it. But adult video preferences are so different, and what's hot for
one person may not be for another. Since my disappointment may not be
typical, I'll go to some pains to try to explain my disatisfaction,
making this review atypically long. You've been warned. ; )
__Nutshell plot Synopsis__
The story opens on BA's wedding day. Waking suddenly by the pool after
a somewhat unsettling daymare involving John Stagliano and a video
camera, she realizes she's late for the ceremony. Caution goes out the
window, and she roars through a stop sign, pedal-to-the-metal thru a
school zone - and right past a motorcycle cop. Busted! And -gasp!- by
a randy motorsmokey, who bluntly suggests her best plan of action to
avoid expensive red tape might be the layaway plan! What to do?
Quicker'n you can say "Pussy Galore" she and the cop have found a
deserted alley, we say a hasty adieu to the wedding dress, and we're into
Sex Scene #1, with no further reminder that this is extorted sex. So
you get yer oral, you get yer vaginal, you get a little anal, and for a
special treat, you get yer "tease with nightstick," all culminating in a
facial. You might get off. You might not.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, two bridesmaids are pondering the bride's
tardiness. There's no minister evident (probably 'cause he's behind the
camera), and the groom has already wandered off. Can this marriage be
saved, and while we're at it, gee, these dresses sure are itchy! What
to do?
Why, skin out of 'em, natch! Just in time for Randy West to come
bounding down the stairs, and whammo! we're into Sex Scene #2, between
Randy and bridesmaid #2 (sorry, I'm just no good at names!), while
bridesmaid #1 circles with a camcorder. ("I want to see your face," she
directs her friend at one point, and yet her camera's aim obviously never
wanders north of the navel.) Again, you get yer oral, yer vaginal, some
cowgirl (forward and reverse) and an interesting shot looking up through
a clean glass table, all culminating in another facial. But wait -
there's still a fresh bridesmaid left! So the girls have at it for a
bit of girl-girl, while Randy takes the camcorder.
Rejected and depressed, Frank the groom has wandered into a bar, where he
rapidly undertakes ritual self-plastering. Glancing about the bar, he
sees two attractive people shooting pool, and as fast as you can say
"reverb unit," we're into a echo-y fantasy sequence of pool table
coitus. (Don't try this at home.) Oral, vaginal, legs akimbo, and of
course, a facial.
Coming out of his reverie, the groom dashes to the restroom, followed by
a sultry brunette person, who's noticed the groom's erection and hates to
see a good thing wasted. "But it's my wedding day," objects the groom.
"You're not married, yet," parries the brunette person sagely. So began
Sex Scene #4, which in many ways was similar to scenes 1-3, except it
took place in a restroom. Also, the actress inhaled a little sperm
during her facial, which occasioned an impromtu coughing fit. Curiously,
when she dropped her Sex Queen persona and laughed at her predicament, I
suddenly found her immensely more appealing.
But where has the bride been all this time? The bridesmaids have
changed into civvies and are cleaning up when the bride dashes in. What
a day she's had! But there's to be no wedding today, so she heads home
- and voila! the missing groom. One might think there'd be a lot to talk
over, but happily, these two are so well-adjusted and understanding that
they have no trouble with sloughing off the day's little misadventures,
and they move unwaveringly to the bed for Sex Scene #5, which ends in a
facial. Again.
Ho-hum.
Considering how much has been said in this group about the contributions
of plot to adult videos, in "Cheeks 5" the plot doesn't really contribute
much to the sex scenes except the locations. At every single point
opportunities to advance the story and support the characters in simple
ways were ignored in favor of getting everybody nekkid as soon as
possible, at which time everyone switches over to basic "lust bunny"
mode. Take the first scene, between Brandy and the cop. I think Brandy
wants to show two things: 1) her character feels she has no choice but to
fuck the cop, and 2) this the equivalent of throwing B'rer Rabbit into
the the briar patch. Problem is, everything works against an effective
treatment. The cop's proposition is incredible and crude, while Brandy's
character dithers vaguely between rage and placation. The camerawork,
while ambitious, is selfconsciously artsy and distracting. Worse, no
hint of the extortive nature of the setup is present in the sex scene,
which subsequently comes off as strictly by the numbers. (From previous
posts, Brandy and the actor portraying the cop were personally involved
at the time - perhaps he might have been better cast as her fiance?)
What about the second scene? Bridesmaid #1 was portrayed briefly as
shyer than #2 - why couldn't this have been a running theme in the
scene? And how about the subsequent girl-girl scene? Did she have a
previous lesbian relationship with BM#1? Why do these people do these
things? More interesting, what do they have to overcome?
And the first time we see Frank (after the dream sequence) he's walking
down the street into the bar. So did the weenie wait at the alter all
of 5 minutes or what? Why didn't we ever get to see Frank left fuming
and humiliated?
All the scenes struck me this way - one lost opportunity after another.
Just get the plot out of the way, and roll the standard Pro Sex.
But kvetching is easy! Let me put my own creative butt on the line
here, with a suggested treatment of the first scene, between Brandy and
the cop. As I see it, this scene's meant to be a power game between
consenting adults. Think of the possibilities!
_For example_
She sits in her Honda, nervous and stewing, as the cop takes his time
strolling up. She never leaves the car - why would she? We see him
either through her side mirror, or from along side her car, usually from
neck down. He launches into a normal citation, quickly discovering her
lack of license and registration, and reading from her face that she
probably has loads of unpaid tickets. She asks to be let off with a
warning - "I don't think that would be a good idea, m'am" - then she asks
if there's something else they could work out, clearly thinking of a cash
bribe. No response. "After all," she reminds him weakly, "it _is_ my
wedding day."
"Yes, m'am," he responds dryly, leaning over to look in at her. "Is
that your wedding dress?"
"Uh, yeah." Nervous laugh. "Like it?" What's he up to?
"Um-hmm. Nice dress. White." Pause. "You a virgin, m'am."
"Whu...?" Pause. She's stunned and confused for a beat, then it hits
her like a slap. "You gotta be kidding!"
"About what, m'am?" Easing slightly closer, just a hint of closeness
as his elbow slips just inside the open window.
"Fuck you!" Livid.
"Yes, m'am. Please get out of the car, m'am." Still calm, in control.
"What...!" Confused - he's gonna take me right here?
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to call for a car to take you to the
station, m'am, until we've straightened out whose car this is."
"Nooo...!" Quietly: "Shitshitshitshit...!" He's rising to a stand,
making a move to walk back to his bike - "Wait a minute! What do you
want me to do?" She's had.
"What do you mean, m'am?" He waits. Now the game is that _she_ has
to proposition _him_, eroding her position even further.
Throughout this scene, the cop has to be patient and professional - he's
done this before, and knows the game well. At the same time, he knows
better than to commit himself prematurely (like the cop in the video
does), and is scrupulously careful not to come off as a physical threat.
(That's _not_ the nature of the power being wielded.)
In the sex that follows, the bride should be stiff and nervous at first -
why would she be otherwise? The cop takes his time at first, causing the
bride to complain, "could you hurry it up a little - I've really gotta go
soon!"
"Quality work takes time. M'am."
Slowly she gets into it, maybe as his tongue runs down her throat. This
is where to stick an existing line from the script.
"Oh well," she murmurs, "after all I didn't have a bachelorette party...."
Slowly her passion builds, as does his response to it, until it's clear
that now he's dependent on her for his pleasure - and the power's
shifted. Bingo! Playful revenge time.
"Want to come in my mouth?" she says. Predictable enthusiastic
response from him. But she doesn't let him come - she teases him,
getting him close, then backing off, forcing him away from her mouth.
(Now he's caught in her power game, so he won't force her - he can't. If
he could, it would have changed the nature of the confrontation from the
very beginning.)
"Please, m'am! I really gotta cum soon!"
Altogether, now. "Quality work takes work. Sir."
Whether you like my idea or not is irrelevant - nobody's going to shoot
it, tho' they may flame it, : o - but my point is that the plot can be
used for more than an excuse for screwing in different locations. It
can also be used to give the sex context. (For examples, see "The
Opening of Misty Beethoven," or "Barbara Broadcast," or anything directed
by Anthony Spinelli.)
And it makes the sex sooooooo much sexier.
-> Curmudgeon
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169 “I can arrange all that.” Such Apaches as had not gone back on the war-path returned to the States with the troops; but there were five months more of the outrages of Geronimo and his kind. Then in the summer of the year another man, more fortunate and better fitted to deal with it all, perhaps,—with the tangle of lies and deceptions, cross purposes and trickery,—succeeded where Crook had failed and had been relieved of a task that was beyond him. Geronimo was captured, and was hurried off to a Florida prison with his band, as far as they well could be from the reservation they had refused to accept. And with them were sent other Indians, who had been the friends and helpers of the government for years, and who had run great risks to help or to obtain peace. But the memory and gratitude of governments is become a proverb. The southwest settled down to enjoy its safety. The troops rested upon the laurels they had won, the superseded general went on with his work in another field far away to the north. The new general, the saviour of the land, was heaped[Pg 305] with honor and praise, and the path of civilization was laid clear. Parliament met on the 10th of January, 1765. The resentment of the Americans had reached the ears of the Ministry and the king, yet both continued determined to proceed. In the interviews which Franklin and the other agents had with the Ministers, Grenville begged them to point to any other tax that would be more agreeable to the colonists than the stamp-duty; but they without any real legal grounds drew the line between levying custom and imposing an inland tax. Grenville paid no attention to these representations. Fifty-five resolutions, prepared by a committee of ways and means, were laid by him on the table of the House of Commons at an early day of the Session, imposing on America nearly the same stamp-duties as were already in practical operation in England. These resolutions being adopted, were embodied in a bill; and when it was introduced to the House, it was received with an apathy which betrayed on all hands the profoundest ignorance of its importance. Burke, who was a spectator of the debates in both Houses, in a speech some years afterwards, stated that he never heard a more languid debate than that in the Commons. Only two or three persons spoke against the measure and that with great composure. There was but one division in the whole progress of the Bill, and the minority did not reach to more than thirty-nine or forty. In the Lords, he said, there was, to the best of his recollection, neither division nor debate! His cheek paled for an instant as the thought obtruded that the man might resist and he have to really shoot him. "Good, the old man's goin' to take the grub out to 'em himself," thought the Deacon with relief. "He'll be easy to manage. No need o' shootin' him." "Them that we shot?" said Shorty carelessly, feeling around for his tobacco to refill his pipe. "Nothin'. I guess we've done enough for 'em already." John Dodd, twenty-seven years old, master, part of the third generation, arranged his chair carefully so that it faced the door of the Commons Room, letting the light from the great window illumine the back of his head. He clasped his hands in his lap in a single, nervous gesture, never noticing that the light gave him a faint saintlike halo about his feathery hair. His companion took another chair, set it at right angles to Dodd's and gave it long and thoughtful consideration, as if the act of sitting down were something new and untried. "Besides," Norma said desperately, "they're only rumors—" "Oh, I've found a way of gitting shut of them rootses—thought of it while I wur working at the trees. I'm going to blast 'em out." During the next ten years the farm went forward by strides. Reuben bought seven more acres of Boarzell in '59, and fourteen in '60. He also bought a horse-rake, and threshed by machinery. He was now a topic in every public-house from Northiam to Rye. His success and the scant trouble he took to conciliate those about him had made him disliked. Unprosperous farmers[Pg 124] spoke windily of "spoiling his liddle game." Ditch and Ginner even suggested to Vennal that they should club together and buy thirty acres or so of the Moor themselves, just to spite him. However, money was too precious to throw away even on such an object, especially as everyone felt sure that Backfield would sooner or later "bust himself" in his dealings with Boarzell. "Let's go home," she said faintly—"it's getting late."