From alt.sex.movies Mon Apr 24 11:22:26 1995
Subject: The "Flame Fanner" Considers AVN...
From: Heretic
Date: 13 May 1995 13:42:04 -0400
Status: RO
Well, I had a $20 bill burning in my wallet so I decided to go to my
local House-o-Smut (tm) and look through the magazine rack. I
immediatley spotted the May AVN and the 1995 AVN Adult Entertainment
Guide. As I rarely see AVN at this store, I decided to pick it up
along with the annual - I can always use another reference. I left the
store $17.90 poorer and with 550 pages adult video information. I was
not impressed for the most part.
First the annual. First thing is the cover. Anna Malle, topless.
Fake tits staring me in the face. No thanks.
Next the ads. The ads are mostly repeats the same as seen in the 1995
AFW guide, a notable exception being Evil Angel. John gives us a two
page spread with two pictures of Kristi Lynn. Thank you John. Natural
breasts and an incidniary ass.
The charts and best seller/renters come next. The charts are pretty
boring. The top sellers tapes list. For some reason they find it
appropriate to combine separtate films into one entry, for example
"Gang Bang Girl 11-14" I'm not sure what's up with this. John Wayne
Bobbitt, Ninn's Sex, Blondage, Up + Commers the Movie, and Dog Walker
round of the top five. Turn the page, top retal list. John Wayne
Bobbitt #1 again. Number 2 is interesting: Buttman's British Big Tit
Adventure[sic: should we BM's (Moderatley) BBTA]. Now this was a video
featuring all real breasts. I have faith, though the reason for the
high figure is probably: a) it's Buttman b) it's big breasts c) it's
British babes d) it's all real breasts. Too many variables here to
simply say it was dues to the all real breasts. Again, series are
combined, i.e. Buttslammer 4-8, or Private Video Magazine 6-14 in one
entry. I don't know what gives.
Next the pictures of the "Top Features of the Year" Boring.
Finally we get to the top 1300. Mistakes abbound and gone are the
ratings that were in last years issue. Your basic synopses with some
B+W stills thrown in (recycled from last year for the most part, and
always many pages from the actual synopsis). Next comes four pages on
the classics. I'm willing to bet donuts to dollars with is the exact
same as last year. But I mean what changes in this area? Nothing.
How about some picts of Abbigail Clayton and Annette Haven next time
instead of taking up the whole magzine with fake tits? Amateur +
Specialty next.
Buyer's Directory + Performers Index? Useless. 3 pages of CD-ROM
information.
The guide is 350 pages, perfect bound. Despite this, it does lay flat,
at least around the middle of the magazine. An OK job.
Now I'm going to be a bit less kind. The May 1995 issue. The last
issue I saw was August 1994.
I CAN'T READ THIS PIECE OF EYE CANDY. All of the pages are glossy
stock, as opposed to the few pages that were 'regular' paper previous.
I don't know what Einstein decided on the new layout for video reviews,
giving each it's own full page width review, put from a typographic
standpoint, the lines are too long. I mean, you end up with 2 line
paragraphs that run the entire width of the page.
I guess I'll tackle the ads next. A big red ulta-glossy, 3 page
foldout for Ninn's Sex 2. Too bad it's not preforated for easy removal
from the magazine. Where the Boys Aren't 7. More fake tits than not.
Vivid sucks. I'm sick of Janine. Unfortunatley, Asia's a Vivid girl
now :-( Fake tits galore for the rest of the ads.
I'll skip the Boneyard and Tales from the Crack. They remain,
thankfully, unchanged. Next we get to the CD-ROM section. WHAT THE
FUCK AREN'T THEY PUTTING ON CD-ROM THESE DAYS?! Christ. Every
friggin' piece of crap is on CD now. 8 pages of reviews. I think
they're putting the entire Zane and Fanatic catalog in 'interactive
form', as witnessed by the two page spread. I'm waiting for
"Interactive Kerri (Downs)" :-)
The reviews are the reviews, and I still don't know what the hell
"gonzo" is. In the front they classify John Leslie's "The Voyeur 3" as
a video feature on the sales chart (#1), but the review is in the gonzo
section (It's editor's choice). They give it 4 1/2 stars for heat. I
fast forwarded through almost the whole thing.
The legal section is always the most interesting, and I haven't gotten
around to reading it yet, but it looks good. Cylde DeWitt writes a
long piece on the Miller test. He's got an internet address - maybe we
should forward him the Brandy stuff. Also looking interesting in the
Business Side collum with a piece of labeling.
Apparenly AVN is branching out into reviewing other magazines. Ah yes,
we must never forget that AVN is a retail/distributor magazine. What's
this? "AVN's Ultimate Adult Entertainment Guide". 1500+ reviews, all
hypertext linked? Hmm....I have 7700 movies hypertext linked, and with
a copy of the 1995 AVN + AFW annuals, you'd probably get 1500 reviews.
And this stays _how_ up to date? Annually? I update mine every couple
of months - I just added close to 200 films. Course, they're making
money, while Peter and I aren't.
Any other high points? The ad for Reel World 3 has Kyrsti Waay (Better
Busoms member) in it, looking very nice. Also, Roxanne Hall, who I'm
presuming is natural. Please correct me if I'm wrong here. They're
both ultra yummy. 'Course the girls always look better on the box
cover than they do in the movie, but I'm not planning in renting either
of these films, so what do I care?
Bottom line: "What happened?"
169 “I can arrange all that.” Such Apaches as had not gone back on the war-path returned to the States with the troops; but there were five months more of the outrages of Geronimo and his kind. Then in the summer of the year another man, more fortunate and better fitted to deal with it all, perhaps,—with the tangle of lies and deceptions, cross purposes and trickery,—succeeded where Crook had failed and had been relieved of a task that was beyond him. Geronimo was captured, and was hurried off to a Florida prison with his band, as far as they well could be from the reservation they had refused to accept. And with them were sent other Indians, who had been the friends and helpers of the government for years, and who had run great risks to help or to obtain peace. But the memory and gratitude of governments is become a proverb. The southwest settled down to enjoy its safety. The troops rested upon the laurels they had won, the superseded general went on with his work in another field far away to the north. The new general, the saviour of the land, was heaped[Pg 305] with honor and praise, and the path of civilization was laid clear. Parliament met on the 10th of January, 1765. The resentment of the Americans had reached the ears of the Ministry and the king, yet both continued determined to proceed. In the interviews which Franklin and the other agents had with the Ministers, Grenville begged them to point to any other tax that would be more agreeable to the colonists than the stamp-duty; but they without any real legal grounds drew the line between levying custom and imposing an inland tax. Grenville paid no attention to these representations. Fifty-five resolutions, prepared by a committee of ways and means, were laid by him on the table of the House of Commons at an early day of the Session, imposing on America nearly the same stamp-duties as were already in practical operation in England. These resolutions being adopted, were embodied in a bill; and when it was introduced to the House, it was received with an apathy which betrayed on all hands the profoundest ignorance of its importance. Burke, who was a spectator of the debates in both Houses, in a speech some years afterwards, stated that he never heard a more languid debate than that in the Commons. Only two or three persons spoke against the measure and that with great composure. There was but one division in the whole progress of the Bill, and the minority did not reach to more than thirty-nine or forty. In the Lords, he said, there was, to the best of his recollection, neither division nor debate! His cheek paled for an instant as the thought obtruded that the man might resist and he have to really shoot him. "Good, the old man's goin' to take the grub out to 'em himself," thought the Deacon with relief. "He'll be easy to manage. No need o' shootin' him." "Them that we shot?" said Shorty carelessly, feeling around for his tobacco to refill his pipe. "Nothin'. I guess we've done enough for 'em already." John Dodd, twenty-seven years old, master, part of the third generation, arranged his chair carefully so that it faced the door of the Commons Room, letting the light from the great window illumine the back of his head. He clasped his hands in his lap in a single, nervous gesture, never noticing that the light gave him a faint saintlike halo about his feathery hair. His companion took another chair, set it at right angles to Dodd's and gave it long and thoughtful consideration, as if the act of sitting down were something new and untried. "Besides," Norma said desperately, "they're only rumors—" "Oh, I've found a way of gitting shut of them rootses—thought of it while I wur working at the trees. I'm going to blast 'em out." During the next ten years the farm went forward by strides. Reuben bought seven more acres of Boarzell in '59, and fourteen in '60. He also bought a horse-rake, and threshed by machinery. He was now a topic in every public-house from Northiam to Rye. His success and the scant trouble he took to conciliate those about him had made him disliked. Unprosperous farmers[Pg 124] spoke windily of "spoiling his liddle game." Ditch and Ginner even suggested to Vennal that they should club together and buy thirty acres or so of the Moor themselves, just to spite him. However, money was too precious to throw away even on such an object, especially as everyone felt sure that Backfield would sooner or later "bust himself" in his dealings with Boarzell. "Let's go home," she said faintly—"it's getting late."